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Goodbye Susie

It is the night before your memorial service and I can not sleep. We knew this day would come, but you fought so hard for so long, we almost started to believe you’d keep on going forever. I’ve never known anyone so strong as you, despite your physical weaknesses these last years. You went through so much in your life that I doubt 4 people sharing the same load would be able to endure. You turned your life around from your darkest hour and went on to inspire so many. You loved your son with a ferocity rarely seen. He loves you so much. I promise to do what I said and share your memory with him as he grows.

It’s been a roller coaster these last couple weeks. It’s hard to believe it’s actually the end. I’m glad that we three girls could spend one last night together. I know you knew we were there for you. I’m sure you knew of the laughter and joy going on all around you in your room on your last morning on this earth. We were sad, but we listened to your words and celebrated you. We were together again as a family. We were ourselves.

I think it fitting that you chose your final moments to be with a small but diverse group. A family member, an old friend, and a new friend. We had all given you permission to finally let go. I think that’s the only thing that kept you from defying the odds one last time and staying alive for weeks to prove them wrong.

We will miss you so much, but at the same time we are so glad you are finally at peace. No more pain to endure.

Tomorrow I will try to read a poem you chose for your service. Hopefully I can keep with what it means.

To Those I Love
by Isla Paschal Richardson

If I should ever leave you,
Whom I love
To go along the silent way. . .
Grieve not.
Nor speak of me with tears.
But laugh and talk of me
As if I were beside you there.

(I’d come. . .I’d come,
Could I but find a way!
But would not tears and
And grief be barriers?)

And when you hear a song
Or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me
Be sad. . .for I am loving you
Just as I always have. . .

You were so good to me!
There are so many things
I wanted still to do. . .
So many things I wanted to say
to you. . . Remember that
I did not fear. . . It was
Just leaving you
That was so hard to face.

We cannot see beyond. . .
But this I know:
I loved you so. . .
’twas heaven here with you!

The rant

Of course, I already wasn’t too excited about my plans for the day. One way ticket to Houston and all. (Please come get me if I get stuck!!!) Well, it went all crazy. I’m declaring that this isn’t my birthday. We’ll have a do-over. Date TBD.

So, it starts off normal enough. I start to do laundry so I can have a maximum amount of clean clothes to pack. Well, the costco sized detergent was on the shelf above the washer and dryer. I went to pull out some detergent and the whole shelf and everything on it comes crashing down. 5 big holes now in my wall. Many things still in disarray.

Gabe’s down at the con for the day with 3 of his cohorts. 2 people were supposed to run the shop today. In all the confusion last night, the keys weren’t given to them. One of the people from the con was going to drive all the way back up just to drop off the keys. I pointed out that I’d be right there and I was given the keys to hand off. Well, noon came and went and no one was there. I suddenly realized that I have no cell phone numbers for any of the 6 people involved. Gah! I left a note on the door with my cell in case they showed up. One of the girls also works at another store nearby. I went over there to ask if they had a way to reach her. One of them knew and tried, to no avail. I went back and continued to wait.

I was about to give in and call another friend who doesn’t do much of anything on Sundays (religious thing) to find out if he had numbers. I turned off the radio. I opened the phone. I see the girl from the other store come over and tap on the shop window. I get out of the car so she knows where I am. I’m holding the shop keys. I’ve locked my keys in my car. Gah!

OK, so first I find out that the person I’ve been trying to contact got confused about daylight saving time. She just moved up from Arizona where they don’t have it. She changed her clock the wrong way. She’s on the bus from the U-district Gah!

Then I realize I don’t have my AAA card on me (in the car) and I never put the stickers on the car. D’Oh!I try to call Adam. No answer. I call Michelle. She has a phone number for me. (Thanks!)

In the meantime, I hear from Gabe calling on unknown person’s cell phone. It sounds like he’d heard from the other girl because he only asked about the one I’ve been trying to contact. He says he’s sent up one of the guys from the con as well.

All this time I’m standing outside the shop that should be open, customers standing outside. I have the keys. I have no idea how to run the register. It was very frustrating. I did my best to explain the situation to keep everyone as happy as possible. So, well over an hour after the shop was supposed to open, the girl shows up. We get everything going. Then the guy from the con shows up. About 10 minutes later the towing guy shows up.

I hadn’t even started packing yet. I still had laundry in the washer. Much whirlwind packing ensued. I was very grateful I actually made an electronic packing list for the Ireland trip. I feel much more secure that everything is packed.

I’m now at the airport. Nicole drove me here. She even sat with me for awhile because my plane was delayed. That was nice.

At least I got to go through the express lane at security. You know since I’m all important and first class.

But regardless, today is not my birthday.